New Beginnings

I can't get this new Misty Edwards song out of my head, that says, "Did you learn to love? Is what You will will ask me. Did you learn to love? Not about my ministry. Did you learn to love? Not about my money."

2011. One of the best years of my life. Yes, still in the same situations, but I've found myself, my voice, and my mission. I can lose what few assets I own, but they can never take my purpose.

I've traveled, gotten healthy, made new friends, learned a bit of salsa [long story ;-) ], some aikido, continued biking and tkd, and am taking up Spanish again. Saw Buddy Guy, went to Kansas City, spent time camping at the beautiful Silver Falls, and went to the coast. The two trips to Seattle were incredible and helped inspire a new productive side of creativity for me. And I got closure for questions and struggles that had hindered my relationship with God for a while. Cool stuff, huh?

Yeah, okay, the head shave was a bit drastic, but it really doesn't seem that important in the grand scheme of things right now. I still like the look as do others, though my Mom thought it looked like a skinhead at first. Yep, scary bald me I am now. But now my head is cold, I need my beanie.

Finally got the two songs out that were started four years ago. Whether or not they do well, the important thing is that they're out. They say, put yourself out there, then adjust as you go. Scary...yeah, buddy! New songs will be out next year, a collection which for now I'll call the Far Beyond Project. I'll have little secular projects, but this will be my main deal. The website project will have a new blog that will be more commercial and focus on helping others. Others, not me, what a concept, huh?

All the prophetic words blow my mind. I have to let that shape my thinking. My Bible reading plan is Psalm 1 over and over again. I have to accept that I'm an out-of-the-box guy and have to let God take me down out-of-the-box roads. Looking forward to quitting my 2nd job. (Never been so happy about a store closing down!) I'll work a part-time job and no, the free time is not for playing x-box, but I will be busier than ever, making music, promoting, writing and doing cool stuff like travelling. And you bet I'll be praying, not because I'm so good at prayer, but because I'm putting myself in a vulnerable position where I need Him to come through.

Still haunted by the images from Nefarious, this issue of social justice motivates me. I think others are driven by this as well and it'll be interesting to see what creative ideas will spring forth from different sources. Hmmm, if we thought yesterdays battles were tough, get ready, this is outright war...

And so I continually ask myself like Misty's song, did I learn to love? And I'm not talking about a needy type of attraction feeling people call "love" that drains you (I don't think love would keep you from your purpose) or even needy "worship", but something that truly gives to others and to God. This subject would take too long to explain, save that for another blog. Maybe I haven't totally learned, but I think I'm in the process right now. Yeah, more process, oh boy!

My taekwondo teacher teaches the process well: you can only sit out if you get hurt, if you're tired you SUCK IT UP!

2011 was just glimpse and preparation. Strap on your seatbelts for 2012. Have a great new year!

Christmas

Can't say I'm really into Christmas. Don't really hate it, it's just another part of my environment while I get through my own life. I just don't see spending lots of money on gifts, when me and others I know don't have a lot of extra money to spare. And it's really the thought that counts anyway.

Spent most of it working on and reading up on music biz, blog stuff, etc. Have two songs out, but that's just the beginning.

For some reason I just want it to be done so I can get back into the groove. As much as I enjoy wobbling around, I want to get back to healthy. I just feel better all around when I'm healthy and productive. There are endless things to do and dreams to pursue and me sitting there watching Die Hard for two hours eating fatty foods just isn't that productive.

For being influenced by a book called Four-hour work week, I sure am busy with my time these days. I don't think I can go back either. In 2012 my goal is to pursue dreams or die trying.

Merry Christmas all!

Morning Mist after the Dark Night

As I take the drive home from work it's one of those times I feel contemplative and not headbanging to German metal, but rather Loreena McKennitt's Dark Night of the Soul plays on the stereo. At least now I can say I understand what the song is talking about, having read the book and Song of Solomon and gone through some things myself.

"As care and grief grew dim as in the mornings mist became the light There they dimmed amongst the lilies fair." As those last lyrics came I looked and saw the hazy sky in the light of the slightly foggy morning, with Mt Hood taking on a blue hue. I wouldn't mind seeing some morning mist soon. As interesting as the first part of the song is, I think I like the last part. :-)

A Productive Day

Life is very surreal these days and everything is being stretched. Let me explain my day a bit:

Woke up early and worked in a cold warehouse for a few hours listening to audio of Tim Ferris (everything he writes is uncomfortable, that's why I need to listen) and Spanish lessons, while doing martial arts conditioning from time to time.
A couple hours of sleep, then meet with Edgar Nunez for newer mentorship at a spanish-speaking tacohouse. Then workout with Jon. Then a phone conversation with a close lady friend of mine. Later after sleeping more I get up and know I need to get to work on copyrighting songs. After dinking around for a while, I finally go to my room to work. It's still hard. On my computer I dig out the prophetic word I had from presbytery around eight years ago which is speaking to my life right now as the mystery is being unlocked. Very surreal...
There is an entrepreneurial opportunity I believe that's coming...There's a decision before you to weigh out... (Quit Target or transfer, I say quit!)
I get songs ready to copyright and at least register my name in the system. Copyright steps seem like the hardest to take.

The War of Art is intense. Resistance has not died, but is taking some hard knocks. A while ago after hearing prophetic words from IHOP about climbing mountains I took inspiration from literal mountain climbers. I feel like Ed Veisters nearing the peak of Mt Everest without supplemental oxygen:

Days passed. Days of numbing cold, incessant winds, and constant work. Nights of almost no rest, sleeping in tissue-thin tents and down-filled sleeping bags. Endless hours of plodding up a vertical mountain ...until finally, I was once again three hundred feet from the top. I stared at the summit. A pattern emerged: one determined step, rest, a dozen breaths. Another singular step, rest, and more breaths. I focused on reaching closer landmarks. Each step became a goal within itself.

I took steps forward today. Dreams are slightly closer and I can sleep in peace tonight.